Why is it that sometimes I don’t feel fat? I’m not talking about feeling my belly jiggle or thighs touching fat, but in my mind—why is it that I don’t feel fat? I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror today and I was a bit taken back by what I saw. I know what the scale says; I know what my pant size says, but wow. I know there a people out there that think I’m just too lazy to exercise—there might be some truth to that—or that I’m too lazy to eat healthier, again maybe some truth, but it’s not like I just sit on my arse all day eating bon-bons while watching re-run after re-run on the television. I work outside the home; I am a full-time college student; I am a mommy to two young children; I am a wife that does about 90% of the household cleaning and cooking. And honestly at the end of the day, the last thing on my mind is exercising, well, it’s on my mind, but actually getting motivated to complete it is a different story. No, I don’t like feeling the way I do, but I am in a rut. I want out but am too tired—physically, emotionally and mentally—to do anything about it. I want to change that. I want out of this vicious little circle that I am in. I know it’s not healthy. I know a lot of things, but to actually change it takes time and a lot of work. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t have the time to dedicate to weight loss nor do I feel like I want to make the time. It’s a catch-22.
I suck. I truly and honestly suck.
